I LOVE Robin Williams Live. That was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. I was kind of disturbed, though, cause when I think Robin Williams, I think, Patch Adams and things like that, not F*** You, you Son of a B****!!! But what he says really makes sense, in a perverted kind of way.

I found Sgt. Pepper. It rocks.

that's disturbing and if you were even hinting that I only treat my friends as allies...I can reassure you that you're the only one that thinks that....thanks for a great (@,@) year. Bye

Deleted the email one. It was just me being pissed at cool internet things like mail pr0n anyways. That's "porn" spelled in L337 by the way.

Robin Williams LIVE....anybody seen it? It was an HBO special a while back....GOD is it funny! I didn't know he was so evil tho. He cusses like a mug, and his topics for discussion.....COOL! Gross! I never noticed but I sort of tense up when somebody's joking about female anatomy.....as if I'm expecting to get slapped in the face by the EMBODIMENT OF FEMINISM when that m:f is making the jokes.

I am such a freaking girl it's not even funny. I had my hair in a mini-pony tail today and that is proof.

Hope the text is back alright after the email one all. There is post below it, but it's barely legible, but it's cool. So copy/paste to Notepad if you want to read it, or something, and have a great day.

Augh.

Doing some private rehearsals today in my dad's living room...that is, playing air guitar and screaming the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Heh. But I had all the curtains closed, so no one would've seen me making a huge ass out of myself...oh, left the back door open tho.

Today was cool because I walked about two miles down the road and went to a Piggly Wiggly, where I bought a Vanilla and Cherry Coke, respectively. The people eyed me with suspicion, and I eyed them back. I had the luck of having Alex call me on my cell right when I got there. A word of advice, guys, don't go into a frequently-robbed East Nashville store wearing an American Eagle T-shirt and carrying a cellphone. They rape and rob little preppy bitches like that...which would include me, I guess.

I'm going to put a segment on my site soon called "The Ultimate Survival Guide For The White Man In East Nashville", with pictures and such. For example: if you are part of the KKK and wish to rally, don't do it here. The black population outnumbers you at least ten to one. Don't even dress up in a ghost costume over here; that little red dot on you forehead isn't a hornet...you can trace it back to the barrel of that elephant rifle that a very pissed off black man is holding.

I also watched golf today, where I witness Tiger Woods use the taboo phrase "goddamn" on national television after a bad drive. I also made fun of Ernie Els for looking like he'd been partially decapitated in the past. Look at the guy sometime. He's got two huge gashes in the left side of his neck.

Tiger is losing bad, by the way. He looks like he's on the verge of tears constantly. Els sucks too, and there was a commercial on him about him being really bad ass and winning a thousand championships, one with a spiked club up his ass, etc., I was expecting more out of the guy. Meanwhile, some guy that looks like Hitler was cleaning up for a while, and then he started sucking as soon as I honed in on the fact that the Nazis haven't done any earth-shaking work since the end of WWII. And watch Will prove me wrong on that one.

THEN, I turned on Univision. OH MY GOD. Have you people watched the news on that channel. OH GOD! First, there was this lady beating this shit out of her kid, whacking it over the head twice really hard while it was crying. And then she took it out of its highchair and threw it straight on the ground. I was sitting there with my mouth open for about five minutes. As if that wasn't bad enough, they had a segment which I loosely translated as "Shocking Videos". They showed the baby one again first. Ok, seen that, still scary. Then they showed this guy on a balcony in an apartment complex with a .45 against his head. A cop from the floor above tried to jump him and missed, landing in the shrubbery below. THE GUY BLEW HIS FUCKING BRAINS OUT, RIGHT THERE. All over the wall! On TV! And this shit is for real? There there was a vid of a black guy or something resisting arrest, he pulled away from two cops trying to cuff him and pulled a knife or something. Then he turned his back and walked away, and the cops shot the shit out of him til he fell over in a pool of blood, crimson spurting from the fresh and burning wounds. It was really outrageous, so I decided to watch the CKY vids by Bam Margera, freshly downloaded. WHOOPS! More outrageous shit than before, on and on and on and on, and I watched all of it. I must say, today has been a really screwed up day.

And I'm all alone. You can sort of tell I've been inspired to such a notion when I start talking about my day to "the audience", which has gone fully mute, so fars as I know. The BLog has officially died, the last post being my reply to Rosie's very girl-like emotion-shift with a simple ".....'k,". Lily left town and Zoe, who also posts on there, doesn't like BLogging so she doesn't get on, and that one has gone mute, Kenzie doesn't get on hers anymore, the last post was replying to my calling her a bitch for getting me a birthday present (altho it is very awesome, and I appreciate it immensely)...I have a thousand other blogs but I don't post in them, stranglebox for instance...the essay has come to a screeching hault, since I really don't want to think about that shit in lieu of recent events...

It's like school makes us a band of brothers and sisters, we unite against the unnamed feelings and struggles...anybody ever notice that you could be the most social person in the world during summer and still feel completely detached from the people you counted as allies before? And why did you count them as allies? You would only need those if you were fighting a war...

I personally don't feel these things, which is why I'm still making posts, but that's my observation right there, uniting against the common cause. To defeat it? No, just to fight it until it decides to crawl back into its cave and die.

If this is the way it is now, just waiting for the next attack, I hate to think of what happens when high school ends...

......

Everyone's really dead.

You were right Rosie, I was recording. Yes, my dad got rid of the house fone, now he's got a damned....Cricket. And yes, it does start with a five.

I shall look for yon Sargent....didn't I see it somewhere the other day? I'll have to try and remember.

Well now...been listening to the CDs....

CKY owns so far...I really like two songs on it so far, but I like those, like....to obsession. I would really suggest them, they're straight up rock, and they're incredible. The best songs: Sink Into The Underground and Inhuman Creation Station, AMAZING! I could listen to them all day.

As for the others...Linkin Park is still tee-totally awesome, Cure For The Itch, the musical, is amazing, it makes me want to cry...A Place For My Head and Forgotten, two wonderful tracks. Interesting side note, the song With You on Hybrid Theory was co-muziked by The Dust Brothers...they did the music for the first Matrix...in this song they do all the digital beats and effects.

Jerry...it's Jerry. Everyone loves Jerry. I've heard all the other tracks before, and this album just can't go wrong. There's a bunch of new ones that are awesome tho...Owned: I'm a whore, might as well be the best....my single fav. line from any song thus far in the course of my life...you've got your Pig Charmer, he sings it like Layne, and says in the liner notes that it was inadvertently written about him...talks about a guy in total degradation wallowing in his own filthy world and enjoying it...knowing he's going to die. It's way too deep. S.O.S, Dying Inside, Feel The Void...I can personally relate to these songs, so they're the best songs ever written.

And of course.....METALLICA!!!!!! Back when they didn't suck. And this album has not one bad song upon it. Battery to open, a nice little melody at first, followed by some skullpunishing guitar for the rest of the song, and one of Kirk's best solos, Master of Puppets, the best song Metallica has ever done, and which we're playing at Abby's party (rehearsals today were awesome, by the way...just hope my kilt doesn't fly up).......The Thing That Should Not Be, damned scary, it's worse on Metallica's S&M, with them and the symphony. Then, Sanitarium (Welcome Home), probably in the top ten of fav. Metallica songs...Disposable Heros: You coward, you servant, (spoken: You blind man, back to the front). GOD, IT'S JAYMZ. He's was so cool when he was young. Leper Messiah, SO rockin' it's amazing. Orion, second favorite musical, the first is To Live Is To Die on ...And Justice For All. And then, Damage Inc., for which the elusive Garage Inc. album was named. Damage is a sweet song. This whole album was the only thing keeping me going on the D.C. trip three years ago...I had a broken ankle and had to walk miles at a time on crutches. It was hell, but there was lots of Metallica. I wanted to cry for all the Metallica I was getting back then...

That was a fun trip, come to think of it. Julian Agnew has a photo of me "double evil-eyeing" the camera and screaming at the same time...my best pic. Back when I had long hair last year and, consequently, a mullet, which was gay. And there's some blood running down my arm from where the callouses busted, if I recall correctly. I know that when I got back to the hotel, I had to take a bath cuz I took too long in the morning, and I got in and died, because of the open wounds and hot water...argh. It was my forearms, by the way, I was using my dad's special (ly retarded) crutches and didn't have any time to get used to them during normal walking...you should have seen me in the field. I used that fucking foot everywhere, and by the time we got home a lot of the bottom was ready to fall off. However, scans thereafer said that the foot had healed perfektly and that I had taken very good care of it. "Cool," said I. Shit, as long as he didn't bust out the doctorliness on me, that little doc thing that makes you feel miserable because you didn't do what they told you to do, and they scold you and it's the worst feeling in the world, I was ok with him saying whatever he wanted. Ugg, but then he left and I got to experiment with my balding and yellow leg, balding because the hair had long since died and I was able to just rub those sucker hair foliacles off. Gross, yes yes.

This is me talking off a caffeine high at the start of the new day...23 minutes after, at the moment of this keying. If you read all this, I should give you a medal.

OK. And if yall see Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Band, please pick it up if its under $20. I'll pay you back. Don't call, just buy, then call. And of course, I'll look for Sentenced's Down.

Dudes, the weirdest thing happened...

I was at my grandma's today, and she goes..."I don't know if you'll have any use for this, but you can have it." She handed me a Best Buy gift card. I was drinking some milk at the time.

"So, how much is on it?"
"Oh...fifty bucks, I think?"
"Augh...ogg....ohh..eh....eh..." that was me choking my guts out, by the way...

So woot, fifty bucks for me, with which I bought CKY's Infiltrate-Destroy-Rebuild, Linkin Park's Hybrid Theory, Jerry Cantrell's Degradation Trip, Volumes One and Two, and Metallica's Master of Puppets, back when they were decent. So incredibly happy, I'll be sitting there smiling in front of my computer for days now, listening to such classics as Sink Into The Underground, Owned, A Place For My Head, and the everlasting Master of Puppets.

By the way...if youse goys happen to see a band called Sentenced at a CD store or something...and they have a CD called Down there...

I HOPE YOU HAVE A CELLPHONE BCUZ, AND NO MATTER WHAT TIME IT IS, AND NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE, I DON'T CARE IF IT'S THE SOUTH POLE, I'LL PAY THE BILL IF YOU CALL ME ABOUT IT, BCUZ I NEED IT NOW. Heheh, ok, so I've got all the songs on KaZaA, but I want it nonetheless.

Thank you for your concern, and have a good day. END TRANSMISSION

Gave him my number, gonna see 2Fast2Furious sometime...talked about Leigh Anne a little bit...

I dunno about the girl...but...what does it matter?

josh....remind me....did you say anything to phil yesterday?

THAT'S RIGHT. I learned Rockin' The Suburbs on drums a while back, and while we were listening to the track, my drum teacher was talking about how Ben Folds split off and all. But it's such a pretty ballad...

Speaking of ballads, I was sitting in the parking lot for a while after youse goys left, and while sitting there I happened to reach in my pocket, procuring a pen and a small slip of paper...and I just started writing. Not only did what come out come out exceptionally well, but...

That's eight songs...I haven't recorded it yet, but tomorrow, it'll be done...

So incredibly scared now, you have no idea.

I love that song. Actually, technically, it's only Ben that it's by because his band left him because he was obsessive-compulsive and a complete perfectionist, and this is what he wrote when they left him. I love that song.

Hello all.

I haven't made a spectatularly huge post in a long time...I think it's about time for one, just to liven this place up a bit. I swear...no one being on anymore...it's like living in the grey halls of the dead.

Well, summer is off to a fantastic start. First, I got my license which I can't use, because of not having a car. Having it is totally amazing, nonetheless, it's like opening a Pandora's Box with not so much of the after-effect; moreover, it just satiates that taste of freedom. Ignorance is coming along quite well...we've got to complete this eight song demo pretty damned quick here; the clock is ticking. So fars, as to the demo, that is...A Bleeding Year, Broken Me, Close My Eyes, Little Rhyme, My Solution, Goodbye My Friend...one that's almost finished but not quite, Consanguinity (u BLE*2D lyk me)...that's about all, but I've been processing another in my head all day, so number eight should be on it's way out pretty soon. Totally excited, but that basically means I move away from Brentwood for...the rest of my life, pretty much. We've got time between tours and stuff like that, but it'll probably be spent in hotels a thousand miles away...it's just the way these things work.

It's kind of upsetting, thinking of all of this in its element: Rosie made the slightly misspelled point the other day that in two years, this dream ends, and it's time to wake up or go back to sleep again, and start a different dream. Either way, it means never coming back to this safe little haven of ours here. And to think that this album might just be done before the end of this summer, and with the slight likelihood that it takes off...I'll never come back. I've never been too far out of Brentwood, at least not for long. But this is a permanent ex-communication, even if I did come back. It's like having a friend in the hospital for a few years...the next time you see them again, you treat them differently, like they would break. You try to tell yourself that they're just the same as before, but they're not, and neither are you.

So in the rare event that this did happen, that would be the end of me, it would be the same me but one who is sort of...gone...it's the same face and the same words and probably the same personality if not a bit more optimistic...but it's still not me. It scares me to death, but it's the same reason that I draw air every second of my present existence.

Because summer doesn't give me much to hope for. The things I do anticipate are either a bit riddled with worries and over-concern, or too far off to care about overly at present. Tho it sounds pretty dark it's just the way it is...if you saw me during one of my days, that's just the way it goes. Self-imposed isolation? Perhaps. Depression? Give it that name if you will. Honestly, this is the most socialization I've done out of any summer this far in my life, and it's only the beginning.

That reminds me of another thing I was thinking of...the fact that I'm only sixteen.

It's a trademark of being American, to be sixteen. It means responsibility, it means coming of age. But the fact is, it also means that the years are shrinking and running out...

Did anyone notice how fast this year has gone?

Yesterday, I was outside doing something or another, and I happened to think back on every year of my life. I put little tags of each of them, I've found. This is the year that I was happy and the world was no bigger than my living room, this is the year that was the first time I decided to become a creature of depression and death, and this year was the second time that that happened, this was the week in that year where I fucked everything up, and this is the other week that everything fucked me up and just hasn't stopped yet. Stuff like that, I tag them.

But the thing is, I'm already tired of putting tags on the years, remembering all of this is getting old...and I'm only sixteen. I'm thinking ahead to forty, what happens then? Will I just remember that I've been alive this long, not that when I was sixteen I thought I had a new beginning but instead just had to go back and finish the old ones, but that I was a kid. It bores me to tag all of these years and remember them, but at the same time it burns me to think that, in the end, I'm just a bundle of thoughts and visions that even I can't piece together, that in the end, I am simply nothing more than a little piece of everyone's puzzle, and that everyone's puzzle burns out in the end as well.

I don't even know if I actually want to remember some thing that have happened, which is why I won't write any of this down, and which is also why there's a certain gladness to the gallery of these years floating me away to the nexus at the end.

Well, that's about all. And everyone knows, me especially, that there's a lot of things that I could talk about and make a huge post about, that I am not, for decency's sake...but just remember that I am thinking about these things, and that there really are people behind these words, not just robots that interact with the bullshit we put up here.

Ben Folds said it best in this song I'm supposed to be playing at Abby's party...and it's a really good song, this Still Fighting It, but anyway, the lines that struck me most are..."Everybody knows: it hurts/sucks to grow up".

It's striking irony, and it's beautiful teenage poetry.

I kicked everyone off and then they all lost interest. Fundamentally, this is exactly the same as Lindsey's now, so everyone is inclined to go there...

Unless something happens, during which time I start talking about it and everyone either comes here or starts talking about it on Lindsey's BLog, which, the latter, I believe, would be the case.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BLOG..?

NEW SONG! Old as to the production, NEW SONG anyway. New words, new take, etc.

A Bleeding Year by Stranglebox

What good was my choice
When I chose to face the light
My brain is saying run & hide
I take for granted
The fact I haven't died
But that good's brinked on suicide

CHORUS
Through a living waste
To a brand new day
I take in this breath
Before it flies from me
What I think I knew
Bleed me, year, right thru
Take my everything away

I talked for hours
I never said a thing
It hurts to think how much I've changed
But I'm not the only
One who is so high-strung
I knew you once but you are gone

CHORUS
So c'mon and bleed me....

Best friend in patience
Best friend I held your hand
And we died crawling on the sand
You look familiar
Remind me of my old friends
But bleeding years have faded them

CHORUS
INTERLUDE
CHORUS
INTERLUDE 2

So now, you got what you deserved?
A bleeding year, a lesson learned?