I can't tell people right now. Abby has to know first, and then maybe I can tell people... Josh is just a mediator right now. I'll tell you as soon as I possibly can. I promise.

speaking of, did you talk to him??

I'm soooooooo sorry, josh!!! I didn't mean to, it just happened, and now I can't (or won't) fix it... don't worry about it, it'll work out...eventually. I hope. 13 days till Abby gets home... AHHHHHHHH!!! Don't know how I'm going to tell her... she's going to KILL me. Anyway, can you come to church tomorrow??? I know Abby won't be there, but... please?

There was a little falling out, it's all back in order now.

Um...

UM...

Well...

Give me a few hours, Linds. I'll call you back.

Gods. Where's an answer when you need it?

Josh, if you are at all awake right now, call me on my cell. 473-2890. Slight emergency. I know you're not exactly happy with me, but I really need to talk to you. Please please please... I'll be up all night, no doubt.

Still depressed eh...

You know...the best advice I ever got while being depressed came from that self-help book. I don't know if this applies at all, or if you're willing to accept it, because I have no idea about this situation, but the majority of the book deals with being able to accept the fact that we can't change people, only that we can accept ourselves. And I don't know why, but the more I thought about it, the more sense it made until depression isn't really hard to deal with anymore. Well it depends on the dosage, and the time of day and how drunk I am. But whatever, I'd bet that book would help out a lot, if you'd like.

I was up until 4 this morning playing Snake 2 on my dad's cell and staring absently at the ceiling, listening to the storm outside, and beforehand, a series of booms that definitely weren't thunder because they kept answering each other, but sounding like it still. And of course, nobody else heard them. They weren't on the news. Fireworks, maybe? Those were some fireworks, just cuz of how fast they were going off. And considering that yesterday was...July 29 WOOT, what a festive day....

I was awake because I had become just physically addicted enough to NyQuil to become a tad impaired in the sleep department. And then I had to wake up at six to take my da to work. So blah, tons of morning [sic]ness. But I got over that fast enough, and we drove down Woodland Avenue to his office; I've never been that way before, but there's some awesome stuff on Woodland Ave. Like, awesome shops and stuff. It's awesome. So I'm hoping to get the car tomorrow and go check it out.

Casablanca is SUCH a badass movie...but the ending! It sucks! RAGH! It's a freaking oldie, there's supposed to be only good endings on those suckers. WAAAAAAAAHHHH. That was me crying for the end of said movie. Dude, Humphrey Bogart is such a pimp. As stated on Linds's BLog, I am going to become him from now on. It is thus that you will see me about school walking around in Italian leisure wear, drinking lots of bourbon and smoking expensive cigarettes, and generally being a badass...and Abby's going to hate me, heheheh. But perhaps the suave charm of my being Humphrey will help her ignore the kinky haircut and alchoholic drool smell that follows me everywhere, and the possé and whatnot. Ok, I can't do it, so what. God knows I'm not charming. Nor can I afford a constant supply of bourbon and cigs, or be able to pay off all the teachers to allow me to intake such pleasures in their classrooms.

Well, I can always dream...

And kids, guess what...only two weeks 'til school starts. YIPPEE! I'm excited. Not really. My drum teacher had Mrs. Bayrd when he was in BHS...when I said I was taking AP US History, he asked the teacher...I didn't remember, he looks at me and says "Bayrd?"...I nodded, he gave me the "Shall I get the shells or do you have some in your pocket" look. So I'm excited, once again. Apparently he walked right the hell out of her classroom because he didn't like her. Hell yah JD. And that's what I'm probably going to do because, bygod, I intend to not work as much as possible this year and get by. Even tho I brought all this on my self. I don't care anymore, at all. I have lost every will to be better than anyone at anything, to stand out academically, to be renowned as smart.

I've lost it. And it feels wonderful.

I mean sure, I'll still go about respecting basic school rules and stuff. But past that, I don't care. Homework can go suck an egg. So can this dumb essay for that matter.

Wow, I'm going to fail, that's great.

Well...heheheh. There's a bit of work in store, I have a feeling that I'll be doing better this year, coming in with a lot less on my mind as last year. But I intend not to stress, and I encourage all of you to follow suit. Altho that's entirely wasted on Rosie but Lord knows I've tried.

Going to play some CS and clock out. Bon voyage, kids!

HI all.

So guess who called while I was sitting here druggedly playing CS?

Alex. He wanted to know something about FFT and I was like, "Dude...you waste 9 bucks to ask me a question that you could easily have answered on the internet?" I helped him the best I could, but I was sorta preoccupied so I don't know if I told him all the right things. Plus, the NyQuil seems to have reached that stage where it doesn't want to wear off anymore. That means I'm addicted, and that really sucks. It's a good thing this shit is just beefed up Tylenol or I would have probably died of an OD.

It was funny when I had to drive my dad to the hospital for eye surgery today. I was pretty much cussing everyone, I missed the street a few times, I almost got killed a few times (amazingly, didn't almost cause anything myself), I went to Krystal for my dad and was wearing my evil-looking Aerosmith t-shirt...the guy behind the counter looked at it for a few minutes (a very gay black man, and I don't say "gay" as defamation of character), and didn't say a word after that. So that was really great, and when he doesn't even acknowledge me, it's everyone else's turn to gawk at me and see what I did. As if it's their business. I'm a long-haired, pot-faced teenager! What kind of shirts am I supposed to be wearing, Right to Life Ts? For crying out loud!

But after that I went to Richland Park with a notepad and listened to CDs and eventually got out of the car and sat on a bench and drafted a few songs. One is called Shiver, the other is called Acetaminophen...wonder where I got the name to that one. I've said the word acetaminophen at least once in the last two of my posts. Altho I spelled it wrong...acetominophen. But whatever.

So then I go to a drum lesson and play a brand-new kit, and we discuss selling out, and he insists that that's what I'm going to have to do to get famous. Screw that. It almost makes me want to abandon music and go back into being an FBI agent. I was hooked on that for a while. Or a psychologist...or the other one, whichever doesn't use drugs. You can see how well I'm researching my future.

So now here I am, and it's past 11:10 tonight so it's all good, and I'm about to probably play CS again altho I have to get up mucho early tomorrow. It doesn't matter anymore. Time passes like ribbons on the wind these days, I won't even notice I lost sleep...except for the morning [sic]ness. I get morning sick. Yah, that's right, I'm pregnant. I don't know who the father is. That's the way these things go.

Actually, if that were so, I've been pregnant for the last five years, and I only get sick when I don't get enough sleep, or if I have to get up earlier than I'm used to. I think the latter is what causes it. But nevertheless, I'm pregnant! I must be incubating some kind of monster, considering.

I talk too much. That sucks. Why didn't anyone tell me? I guess it's my brain, which works really hard, just not in the right areas (i.e.: application of the remotest energies to school, thus resulting in GOOD GRADES FOR A CHANGE)

I'm shutting up now. G'nite my special people.

Heheh, you bet I'm trying.

Yours was really really bad tho...when I got it, it wasn't debilitating. Heavy meds, lots of freaking out, and a world of pain...whereas we figured you'd never come back, but you did so yay :).

I'm on drugs right now. If any of you wants to borrow anything or tell me exactly how they feel about me, now is the time...I won't remember jack. The fever's down cuz of more acetominophen (I would say Tylenol but...I'm taking Brand-X acetominophen) so that buzzing "monsters are eating my insides" feeling is down for now.

BROOKS WILL NOT STOP CALLING. What part of "FUCK OFF YOU FUCKIN' FUCK" doesn't he understand...and that's a direct quote, by the way, with all the will my dying throat could muster. ARGH. So if he calls again I'm going to invoke the sacred rites of Yog Sogoth, Black Goat with 1000 Young and have them eat his soul, yippee!

And I found the greatest game in the world to play while hallucinating. It's called Meeklits, from the creators of Snood. Anyway, it's really annoying at first, until you experiment a bit and figure it all out. And then it's even more annoying. But somehow it's a great game. I was reminded of the word "smertastic" while playing it, for some reason. Again, I'm blaming the 'Quil.

But anyway, going to listen to some Jerry and see if I can't calm down a little. The song Pro False Idol by this man is quite possibly the most beautiful song I have ever heard.

Scared me to death...mono... Don't do that.

Um, hi all.

Ouch. Sitting at the drop-off window of Eckerd's yesterday, I discovered I was getting sick and that I should probably do something about it...of course, I was too late, and in just a few hours it came to life.

I thought it was mono round 2 at first...the hot-cold spells, the feeling of parasite heat in my brain, the hallucinations (and yesterday I had some good ones, my dad was FREAKED)...but I'm getting better pretty fast so I don't think it's mono. Altho the letters are coming on the screen a lot slower than I'm typing them...actually, the whole world is kinda moving in slow motion right now so that might mean a new wave.

Rosie, I noticed you called earlier. I've been sleeping most of the day, I was asleep then, but you'll be happy to know that the phone ringing was incorporated into one of the most [sic] and twisted dreams I've ever had. I don't remember what it was, I just remember jerking awake and scaring the cats when I yelled.

Speaking of remembering stuff...I don't really remember today at all. I don't remember yesterday. That must mean the acetominophen is wearing off, cuz I can feel that little buzz of fever coming back in. I'm going to cry. I hope I didn't pass this to Abby, whatever it is.

I tried cooking yesterday...that was when the first hallucination hit. And since then I've pretty much been a vegetable, eating oatmeal-raisin cookies (my second fav, next to peanut butter) and watching BUFFY: THE FOURTH SEASON on DVD. That show is really badass. Altho I finished it today so now I have nothing to do.

And of course...Abby is gone until after school starts, and that's making me a very weepy chimp...but I have pictures now!, so that's a bit of a bonus. But I'm still a weepy little chimp. Alex is gone until the fifth, so no sessions, but I am going to do some recording when I get better. Brooks, whom I've been playing CS with a lot lately, is about to leave for la Floride...and I yelled at him today for calling back two hours after I told him that I was really sick and needed to get some sleep. He called again and I hung up on him...I think he got the point now.

Sorry for talking so much, everyone. I'm desperate for company but I'm not very pleasant in the conversation department right now...so I'm probably going to isolate myself until I get better. So if I don't answer posts/the phone in the next few days, you'll know why.

Well, my dad's back with some more White Cranberry-Strawberry Cocktail stuff now (it's the best Brand-X juice in the universe...on sale at Kroger NOW!!!!) so I'm going to go down some and try to get some more sleep.

Until we meet again.

It's was temporary, I suppose. It's back to normal now.

But I don't like the new BLogger format either. Back when they were first creating it every one of them was that way, which was mucho annoying.

erk i don't like this new setup

Fair enough, thine vote be counted.