Haha, he called!!! Only took him...36 or so hours, but still, he called and we're going out for coffee tomorrow. So there. But he's not coming to church :( One of his "buddies" (didn't tell me who though...) is coming over tonight to play video games or something. Whatever. I don't understand boys. *sigh* But I'm getting to talk to him tomorrow. In public, but stilll, I guess better than nothing.

Heheh. Good heavens, childe. This sounds like a horrid stretch into desperation. Still, congrats. And good luck to all on the AssCrackTendency, or ACT as it is better known. Heh.

Finally got his mom on the phone. It only took me a total of... 6 hours!!!

Still can't get him to answer a phone...

Eh, yes, I do know about the "you are such a GUY!!!" things, as a matter of fact. 'Tis a good phrase, that T-shirt is hilarious, if I wouldn't get pinned for being a total faggot I would probably buy and wear. MxPx has another good one along those lines, but it's more male-oriented, some girl pulling some dude's heart out...like, literally. It sounds gross but it just looks hilarious.

Why won't guys talk? I don't know. Do all girls want to listen? It's really a matter of some guys are different than others, some guys have learned or have been taught differently over time. Some guys just can't stand to hear themselves say it, because it just sounds really self-defeating and repetetive...I would tag any communication problems with that one there. Generally, we hate doing it because it means facing things we don't want to see, and going places we really don't want to go, and even if it's about facing them with someone you love and trust, we fear the depression that comes inevitably, we don't want to bring that on these people that we care about.

It's a really difficult thing, and honestly it runs a lot deeper than I know, and I live in it. But still...it's something I can more feel and outwardly talk about than to actually explain the schematics of it. Maybe he will come around, and maybe he won't. And maybe you'll get so fed up one day, that you'll tell him to talk and he will. Or maybe, it'll be the end of the both of you. Yes, it's back to those horrible concepts: time and patience. Things really just don't unfold like a picnic blanket most of the time...Abby and I did a lot of talking before we started going out, so it might have seemed like some instantaneous process, but it was a project in the works for some time. With you and Rob, you already have the relationship deal going, so you're trying to be the best you can for each other, and unfortuantely, that means putting up a lot of walls because you fear judgment. It's great that you all are going out, I think it could be fabulous for the both of you, but really, someone needs to open up here. Had we known things were going to work out this way from the beginning I would have said yeah, give it a couple of weeks before we decide to get things going...but it hardly works out that way, and didn't. So it comes down to, A. giving it time, or B. doing it yourself. Either of these have their strengths and fallibilities that I'm pretty sure you've already diagnosed or have known for some time now, mostly because we've talked about these before.

But again, the choice is yours. It's like the Matrix, man, "I can only show you the door; you have to step through it." It's dumb and over-noble souding to quote movies and all, but that one is to a tea. It's your reins to grab, here; or, to let go...but it's all as you see fit.

I still want to read it, lamentations or not. We might find something to do with it, you never can tell.

Yeah, the whole thing with Rob is kind of disappointing. Sometimes I love him to death and sometimes it's just like an "Oh my God, you're such a GUY!!!" type of thing. And that probably made very little sense to you because you ARE a guy, but it's really the little things that take us by surprise that we really love. Oh well... boys are stupid, throw rocks at them. I went to sleep when I got home and just woke up with that phrase in my head, so I had to put that one out there. I just wish he would open up to me, you know? It's been a month (and a day, not that I'm counting) now and I feel like we've just barely progressed from where we were a month ago. And then there's the whole thing with what's going on in his life that he won't share with me. I'm just so frustrated. Why won't guys talk? This isn't a hard concept. Ok, I'm done for now and I'm quite sure you didn't understand half of it, but that's ok.

Yes yes, that's exactly right. Messing with the masters, I couldn't have coined a better phrase. Not that I am a master, but it was the "master" copy and needn't be changed. Why couldn't we just write a new song? *cry* I have so many crappy little pop ideas waiting to surface!

Well, yeah. Um. Hmm. I'm glad that he acknowledged it and all even today, the day, uh, after. O wait, he didn't. Hahah. Sigh. A masterful letdown, I tell you what.

Well yeah again, and now it's four days and I don't think this letter is going to do it. I don't really write letters, I write stories when I do write...and this one is pretty much sounding like a story. The English is WAY too good, they probably won't believe that I wrote it. And I hate to be boastful, but it's really elevated shit...very educated and collected, almost colloquial at times. I mean really, who uses "lamentations" or "malaise" anymore. Lamentations, the Bible, grated. But "malaise," OLD OLD OLD. And I used it. And I can't do much about it now. So I give.

Let's all do a rain dance and hope to lordy we get out of school tomorrow! Hurray!

I don't like the changing of lyrics from secular to Christian either. Ask Abby. At Breakthru and Lake Junaluska and stuff they do it and I'm sitting there shouting to the top of my lungs "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Especially when it's a Beatles song... that REALLY makes me mad. Why mess with the masters, you know?

Thanks, Josh. Rather hard to believe he remembered, but there you have it. He might just have a limbic system in there somewhere and we never knew it. Ah, well, not like he acted on his knowledge, but close enough I guess.

I'm proud of you Josh. Three days without Abby (without one of you being out of town) is hard. And I'm proud of you for humbling yourself and writing the letter. I'm sure you're doing the right thing. Ok, enough mushy stuff, I know you hate, so I'll see you later.

He actually did, me and Julian milked him for it, tho. Seriously, it was like, dead quiet in the room, and we were sitting there after he said, "Yah, it's like, one month today," and we kind of sat there yelling, "Hmm...I think he's on to us, Josh," "Yeah, you might have a point there, but it's great that he remembered!" "Yeah, he suprised us all by not being a stupid dick for a change!" "Really!" Until Kelly shut us up. I hope he did something fabulous for ya.

So today marks three days without Abby...if this letter doesn't do the trick I think I'll have to bail Donnie out and see what we can do about the situation. And it probably won't because it's AWFUL! I sucked up the best I could, I just hope that's enough. And it probably won't be, I'll have to enclose a severed finger, three toes and a tongue for them to actually consider my lowly words...well, worst-case scenario. I hope they understand I'm not actually doing this because I give a shit about them a'tall. Grr. I want to be pissed really bad, but moreover I want Abby back.

I'm going to finish transcribing that letter and Christianizing Painpainted for the talent show. Come see us! Feb. 19 at 7pm in the Campbell Center! Well we haven't tried out yet, but if this song doesn't do it, then nothing really will.

We're having some problems, tho...mostly, Nick doesn't like Charlie, and Charlie doesn't like Nick...and sadly, I have to side with Charlie on this one. Nick is really trying to grab too much fuckin' harness on this one, i.e.: including Matt Leper...that's three guitars, um...a bit of overkill there. And Charlie could just as well "bring the Death" like we need it. So we're all rather pissed, sort of. Me, mostly cuz I have to change my damn song. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Christianity, I actually quite enjoy the idea, but changing lyrics...NOOOOOOOOO. No no no no. Bad.

Peace, homies.

Wow, tomorrow is one month and I'm not going to be at school. Lovely, isn't it? Oh well, not like he'd remember anyway. You may want to accidentally on purpose mention it so he doesn't get himself in trouble.

Hmm...

Well, I dunno.

Peace.

Somebody help me. I'm at the fore of a dying age again, but now I don't know what to feel...I brace for sadness but it doesn't come, I feel the anger but I hold it back...everything is so confusing, it's all ashes, falling ashes.

God...all I feel is ashes.